final of 2nd sem

Time pass day by day, week by week and month by month... Final exam for the second sem is here... All of us fighting for the result, fighting or our future... This sem is totally hard than last sem... i feel i almost cannot tahan. i know myself, i understand myself, and i had told myself to start study once the sem start. But i sin follow, and i start regret.

Vomit, because of those notes, crying because of those notes. Who say that foundation is easy? who say foundation is the best way? Now, i more like form 6~ but since this is the wa that i choose, therefore, no choice and no more way to turn. Keep going, keep my way.

May all the god blessing us, blessing my friends, blessing who are having exam for the week. May the god bless you all~

最后一夜/蔡琴

Suddenly this so give me a lots of feel~ At the night~ it especially make me miss you.

到底要怎样？

到底要怎样？才能不想你；到底要怎样？才能摆脱那感觉。到底要怎样才能让我不再想你？一直都存在的困扰，要什么时候才能被丢下？要怎样才能跟你更进一步？要怎样才能跟你聊天，做朋友？很希望很希望，让你知道，我的心。

Am i really like you?

Start from appreciate, that's the first thing in my mind. However, i can't take my mind out of you. I don't know why. Am i really like you? I ask for myself more than hundred times. Am i really like you? I don't know. I'm very confuse with my mind and my feeling now. I will feel happy, when i saw your name appear in my chat-room. However, i feel disappointed when your name is not appear. Just now, i encourage myself to send you a message at facebook, and i do, but you didn't reply or even answer me. Don't you know? It's cruel to me.

Seriously, i hate you to give me this kind of feeling... I can't force you, but i also can't stop myself. Can you tell me what can i do?

Life Ways

Each people have their own way to go,some of them are smoothly, but some of them are full with challenging. There are lot of people will hope their way can be as smooth as they can. However, that is impossible. Achievement or success will not make people excite anymore if there are have no any challenging, if they have never try 'fail' before.

Do not be scare to face those difficulties, because that is one of the excerpt in our life way. Be sure to stand up when you are fell down, and say 'It's ok'... Congratulations, if you can do that, you have an irritative life~

An irritative Life= Fail+Success

My sister and brother... ...

再一次的， 我被我的妹妹气的无话可说，再一次的，我被气的想哭。 对自己的责任，虽然不尽完善，但也问心无愧。每倘半小时的车程，虽说不远，但也不近；每次我都毫无怨言，像个司机一样的接送。我不期望对等的回报，不期望你们的感激，原来，这不只是期望，根本是奢望！妹妹的态度，真的烂到无可救药！回到家了，对我不满，就说下次不要我载！结果呢？等不到巴士时，一个电话，我就必须马上从睡眠中清醒，像一条狗那样爬起来载你！就因为你的一通电话！进生活营？佛教营？你就不要再参加了！浪费金钱，浪费车油，浪费我的时间！既然学不到东西那就不要再进了！每一次每一次每一次！都夸下海口说不要我载！结果呢？我笨的像猪一样！每次都任劳任怨！我不想跟你计较，因为你是我妹！但是你知不知道你的话让我很难受！有时候从你口中出来的东西很伤人你懂吗？

Christmas Gift that i want the most~

For this year, the Christmas gift that i want the most is the bear bear that i saw at a shop, and the second, is a ring~ a single ring~ i like the ring that appear at the movie of 放羊的星星。 As the ring is special for single.. hehe~ i do like and enjoy the single status very much... ^^

Wonder

Human mind will always change day by day, just like me... I'm always believe that I'll remain single forever in my life. I don't trust that will be a man that I'll fall in love to. I believe i can handle my single in the future, i believe that will be enough once my family beside me. But I'm wrong! Definitely wrong! Since I came to Kampar, there are lot of things I had learn... But those things touch my heart deeply is those 'Love', 'Puppy Love'... ...

Sometimes, when I'm looking at those couples, I'm feel lonely... However, human is always contradictorily. Although I'm admire at those who having their 'Love' beside them, but I'm scaring for the changing in my life... Before this, there is a chance for me to have a puppy love with a boy, but I give up... Somebody ask me why? Why? I also don't know... I don't know what i want exactly in Love. What should be contain in love? What is love?

Anomie

前阵子生病了，痛苦，孤独，无助。。。 回到家中，有家人的照顾，关怀让我倍感温暖。康复之后，居然让我迷失了方向。 突然间的情绪失控，突然间的失落，突然间的害怕， 让我痛苦，无助，难受；身边的人询问原因，‘为什么’？ 我不懂！我真的不晓得！为什么？我害怕改变，不想离开家。 生病之后让我明白家的温暖，家的好。期间，我不想与人交谈，不想跟朋友交流，只想把自己关在一边。。。 我很怕，怕自己就这么陷下去。。。 我不想让自己站不起来~ 幸好，有家人和朋友的开解，让我走了出来。低潮期。。。 让我学会了些。。。 这世上，没有什么是走不出去的，只有要不要。天大的事，都没什么了不起的；再坏的事都会过去的。。。 在未来的路上，我要加油！我不要只会接受恩惠，更加要懂得付出。

How to save?

Is that impossible for having enough money? Sometime, i hate money! It make me feel like really face a 'no money no talk' situation! I try to save from my pocket money... But seem it's impossible. Why? after you save some money, is the time for product price raises... Who can tell me? How to save?

Time.... ....

I'm on the way to learn 'pizazz'... ... I thought i can do it, although i known it's not as easy as i think, but at least i choose to try, i choose to start. I don't want myself always effect by other... ... I feel pain when i make decision... but i believe it will recover one day... ... Just don't know when is it. It is a kind of afflict to my when i saw yours and hers photo or profile.

I don't know is you remove me or system problem, but i choose to let it be, because i want to let those things just stay at pass... ... It's already lot of years, but just now when i saw her profile incautious, i feel pain again... The feel didn't change, nothing different compare with before.

Before that, i really believe i had already let all those things be pass... But after i saw her profile picture, i just know i didn't. Those things still in the deep side in my heart. Who can tell me what can i do? You are the only one i'm confused whether i'm just concern you, look up to you, like you or love you? i wonder.

May be i can escape, be a tortoise... But i don't want. Once i escape, that mean i'm recreant...

I need time......

Fight~

Final final final! final test! i can't fail! oh my god~ gotta ganbateh liao~ can't let myself control by those laziness~ i can't! cheer up man! i gotta trust myself! i can do it! Ganbateh!

turn to lazy...

Final exam is coming soon, i had already start my study 2 weeks ago. But after having 3 day of holidays i start turn to become lazy. Although i know that it's not true, but i really can't control myself turn to lazy~ oh my god~ help lo~


Since i study at university, i saw a lot of things that i didn't meet before. The communication, interaction with each other. There are a lot of problem that i gotta face even though where i am.


I choose to follow what my dad said~ Just live for self... Ignore those things that will make me unhappy~

angry...

为什么你们要这样对我呢？我做错了什么吗？扪心自问，对你们，我都是真心以待。有必要这样吗？我不想听解释，也不想理清头绪，我只想快快把这学期读完。开始一个全新的学期！对于你们，大家随缘吧~ 没有必要勉强自己~

我要做一个潇洒的人！

What's going on?

The first sem is finish soon. I'm choose to stay hostel this week to study math. But if somebody ask me how much i study for this 2 days? I'll answer don't know. I'm not going to hate math, but i really don't know how to solve those questions. There are a lot of problem that man gotta face in their life. Happy will become meaningless if we have a life which lack of problem.

Trouble and problem is act as challenge for us in our life. Once we can face these challenge, we can become strong and stronger. I believe in that. Since i study at university, there are a lot of people's attitude that i can see day by day, minute by minute. I wonder is that my problem or really is my problem. I really wonder and wonder.

Non-stop...

Since my test were start, i have no any is free of text~ three test for mathematics~ oh my god~ really wanna kill me already. Some more my tutor change to a economic tutor to teach math~ oh pls help me~ never heard that a tutor will going to follow what student said~ What's going on?

Some more economic text this week~ i think my test will not end until my final test~ haiz~ but it's still better than nothing to do at home~


GANBATEH!

i can't think anything~

I can't think anything as i'm still excited start from yesterday night~ Actually, i'm had a bad mood yesterday... As my sociology make me faint so much... After i finish my test i feel sleepy and tired, but my dearest friends, hishiko wan and memory hoong called me and told that thery were already at kampar, make me surprise so much!

Of course i'm went out with jia ni... haha~ having their dinner at golden sand ^^/ then we were visited the beautiful lake here~ unfortunately, it's rain after we arrived a while~ but me n jia ni are very excited! thx for all the friends who visit us yesterday night!! ^o^

THOUGHT

I thought it's easy, but it's not~ I can't. I'll find a time to make myself clear~ of course will be as soon as possible~

Feeling~ Confusing~

I thought everything will passed follow by the time, but actually 4 years is not enough. My heart was break when i saw those pictures, but i choose to ignore, still nothing happen to me. Until i saw her, your lover. I know all the things were gone. You forgot those things before, our memories. May be it's just myself thinking, may be it's nothing to you.

I'm read back the letters that you gave before. Although it's just 3, but i feel enough with it. May be for you memories passing with time, you can forgot easily and found your true love; but i'm still remember hard about everything. Am i like you? Sorry, even thought myself, i also can't find the answer for, but i'm sure, i feel unwell when i saw those pictures.

I know that's impossible between us, i choose to keep it as deeper as i can in my heart. A best regard for you and her. I choose to say goodbye with our memories.

not understand~

i know it's very to communicate with someone that you are not close at all~ i understand that sometime you will have a bad mood~ but can't you even think about me? i'd already tired with your black face. I'm not necessary to see your black face and let you treat like a dog k? just think about the other when you want do something~

Speechless~

Starting my U life~ move to hostel at 23th of mei~ tired on that day~ Just stay hostel for 3 days, then come back~ that's too hot there really 'tak boleh tahan'~ oh my god~ :'( cry cry cry~

My youngest sister is change more difficult to teach~ Haiz~ one more speechless for me~ really don't know how to talk with her~ Bad temper she have~ make me cry cry cry again~ :'(

Meet My Friend~

Meet with my friend today who came back from her form 6 life~ It's quite a lot of funny things that i can heard from her~~ I'm admire... Because they are still stick together~ I believe they can done their study well~ So, i can't be lazy~ Just Gan bathe for myself~ ^^

Next week will move in my hostel, i don't know when my parent will buy for me~ Just wait for it... May be it's still unnecessary for the first week~ Think so and hope so~ All my dearest will finish their orientation week and start their study week soon~ It;s heard good right? At least they will not feel bore as me~ ><

Bull shit!

Just a little girl like to act like a mature women! Fuck! Know you got a lot of 'love' experience la! Do you need to write it out? Even you want scold, can't you write as message? Need to post it out to let all guys know? What a Fucking girl you are! Luckily i didn't add you! If not I'll go to scold you!

Don't want the other respect you when you are not respect to other! I'm willing to scold you because you were using a damning attitude to treat my friend! I'm really sympathy to your friends and boy friends! And also your Grandpa's restaurant! Because got a fucking girl like you to serve the customers! No manners and having a damning attitude! Don't act like you are so good! Who know whether you are prostitute or not? Advice you! go make body check every month! who know you get sick or not?!

Sad Sad~

Yean come back already~ She said so bore for the orientation week... Haiz... better then me la~ just stay home wait to scold by other~ Lolz~ lame nia~ Laptop also didn't buy for me~ I just want 2000 one's only nia~ My friend's 3000 leh~ haiz~ Disappointing~ Really don't know how to communicate! SXXX!!!!

Were Gone... ...

10th of mei~ My friends study life is beginning. Wish all the best for them~ They were moving to their hostel yesterday night. Start from last night, i feel lonely... My dearest friends may be seldom appear at my chatting box. Who will replace them? No one.

My study life is coming after 2 weeks. My warmest home will become quite in morning. My grandpa have to cook lunch for family. There are a lot of things to make me worry. My sisters and brother. After i'm gone, will my sister do the job that is my work before? Will my parent done for them? Haiz... That's not my part to settle.

When i'm join Facebook, it attract my attention so much... But i'm start feel lame about it a week ago. So, dad&mum, need not worry that i'll affect by the game k? I'm listening Bandari's music... Not for what... Just for relax my mind~ There's some advantages for alone~ It can make me think about myself...

Tire~

Went to ipoh today... For mother day's gift~ i bought a purse~ haha~ first time~ Walk for whole day... My leg is complaining now~ pain~ Y.Y

Still left 2 weeks for my study life~ haha~ can't wait for that~ ^^

Coming Soon~

Haha, seem i didn't use my brain for half of year already~ Hmm, scare that later when i'm study, my brain will act like kindergarten...

2 more weeks, my study life will begin and my holiday will end soon~ 4 years study... No more long holidays... Should cry about it? Come on! So... i think, need to save some money for my mental~~ Haha~ Anyway, no more playing and 'wet' in this 4 years~ haha~

My friends, please forgive me if i got some mental problem~~ Haha~ XP

Have no idea... ...

Well, i hope is my problem~~ I'm try to ignore the feel... But i really can't... ... Seem i'm confuse, wheter is i'm not dare to say 'NO' or i cannot say 'NO'. Why i should done all the things? Why she need not? haha~ because she's tired back from school?! Don't try to forget that is you decided to send them study there! I didn't complain for anythings today, but why you want to scold when i didn't done the things? you think i'm free? i can't use some of my time for myself? Why she can sit in front of the tv but i can't? Do you think it is fair to me? You know? i'm speechless~

Have to act~~ :'(

Seem i can't go out like before already~ haiz~ Have to lie.... Let them see i'm really a good girl~~~ lolx~ i'm not actor la~~ I had reject my friend's invitation~ CRY CRY CRY~~~

Hmm... ...

Since i'm finish my SPM, my life look meaningless~ haiz~ playing, sleeping, eating, and nothing~ ><

If can choose, i won't stay home to face some monsters~ >< Some of my friends were know that my house have a lot of 'abnormal' person.. hmm~ may be i shouldn't say like that, should respect them... But, i really can't bear it anymore... ... I can't grumble about those things~ Even though, just grumble~ YoY... ...

I'll scold by my dad... ... he'll said that i'm lazy, and like to count those things with them... ...But he don't know that sometimes, i really can't bear it~ Since the school life was start, but just i'm going to stay home, i have to cook lunch for them everyday... Although i'm not going to eat and i can't say no~ Well, sometime, i'm try to persuade myself... But it didn't work for long time~~

I'm still looking for some help, which can help me to bear for all the unbearable things~

~~ No Comment~~

There're a lot of things make me no comment at all~ lolz~ Start from my result came out, the feel is following me until now~ Speechless~ Not enough for maktab, not enough for this not enough for that, then my dad start nag~ \YoY/ Please, i'm also don't want like that la~

Waiting for the result of maktab, finally, that's arrive, but... ... What! Delay! What's the government done? Just a small things also want delay it? How i'm going to continue my things? Gosh~ lolz~ want cry cry cry!!!

Confuse~

I hate confuse to something~ The feel make me want shock ad~ At the start, i'm straight want go foundation, but nw~ thx for my parent, f6~ again~ i hate bm~ study at f6, sure hv to use bm~ i hate! but f6 can save money~~ haiz~

~To My Friends~

Please pay attention for your attitude, when we are chatting, you always like to show me your bad temper, wherever we are~ I'm trying to control myself, but that's not mean i can't rebut you... I just don't want to broke our relation... You always talking about others, but how about you? Have you ever think about yourself... You are always give comment about others, but you never look at yourself... As friend, i'm had already done my liability... I'm had lend my hand to you, when you're asking for help. I'm also gave you console, when you're sad... I had spend my time to you, when you're confusing... But you are still show me like friend is nothing to you... Please don't forget, as friend, i have already my liability, we just friend, that's not mean i can help you to settle all your problem... Do you know? You like to show your angry face without reason... See, I'm not the worm at your body! I don't know why you angry for! Please don't turn your angry to me from that guys who make you angry! You like to talk nonsense about me and angry with me when i'm refuse to help you... Why, do you know all the things are unfair to me??

Angry~

Angry angry and angry to someone... I'm just remind her, is time to get her motor driving lesson, is it wrong? I just don't want she too reliant... She have to learn independent but not asking for help when she face problem... But she still can disprove my word! Gosh! All i tell to her is the true. Why she can't understand? Now a day, there are no one that we can believe at all. Future, she will go out for her study, how family help her when she is outside? I really don't know how to communicate with her anymore~

无奈~

我很清楚自己，是个三心两意的人。任何事如果要我做决定，我会想太多。考车，使我目前非常想要做的事。当父母表示说，不需要太早领取驾照时，的却有点落寞，可是他们说的不无道理。没错，我的却不需要太早领取。所以，我已经收拾好心情。等待自己有能力的时候才去考的。。。 看着身边的朋友，一个一个的领取驾照，虽然会有点闷。可是也一直劝自己说无所谓，我也会有，只是迟了点~然往往就是这样。当看到希望时，会无比的快乐，仿佛到了天堂。可是当希望破灭时，就会从天堂掉回地面般，伤心~ 也许是自己看不开吧~很多东西，是可有可无的。就像佛学营时，一位师傅说的，执着让自己不开心，让身边的人不开心。既然如此为什么要去执着？虽然明白，可是要做到真的好难。。。